When Esau was forty years old, he took Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite to be his wife, and Basemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite, and they made life bitter for Isaac and Rebekah. (Genesis 26:34-35 ESV)But the words of Esau her older son were told to Rebekah. So she sent and called Jacob her younger son and said to him, “Behold, your brother Esau comforts himself about you by planning to kill you. (Genesis 27:42 ESV)

I have had the fortune of dealing with most of my major battles in the beginning of my ministry. Today, I’m mostly celebrated. In the beginning I wasn’t even tolerated. I have dealt with those Esau attitudes… I’m sure you have too.

An Esau attitude essentially means that the person you’re dealing with makes life taste bad and finds comfort in bringing you difficulty or harm. While the church seldom experiences true antagonists, it is not rare to encounter an Esau attitude.

Probably one of the strongest tactics used by those with Esau Attitudes is nonconformity (i.e. marrying the Canaanite/Hittite women). You’ll push a new initiative and they start blasting their opinions to the public over diner, short conversations and in 2011 they also use social media. Recently I had a lady in our church use facebook to post her disapproval of using twitter in church… And as funny as it sounds (and it is), it contributed in making my life taste less than pleasurable.

Let me turn to Paul for a moment…

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:7-9 ESV)

Some people have said that the thorn in the flesh could be depression or anxiety… or something of that nature. However, those things lean towards illness/sickness which we know Paul had dominion over (Acts 28:1-6). God doesn’t make us sick… but Jesus did promise one unfortunate dilemma we would face as believers (until we’re in Heaven)… and that’s persecution (Matt 10:16-23). So the thorn in the flesh (a messenger of Satan to harass Paul) was probably a person or people.

Do you see why this person harassed Paul? Because of surpassing revelations. When the revelation has reached beyond someones understanding, that’s when they start attacking. This could be something as simple as having altar workers wear a certain t-shirt. If someone doesn’t understand that altar workers need to be easy to identify, they’re gonna start asserting that people in ministry ought to dress up! Why are they saying this? Because they haven’t grasped a simple revelation.

People with an Esau Attitude will also find a valid reason to propagate their opinion. The messenger that was assigned to Paul was assigned by Satan, not God. God wants you to be humble… not Satan. Yet, the platform for assigning this messenger was to keep Paul from becoming conceited. It’s always going to be something like:

I’m just worried about the church.
I’m afraid this isn’t the right direction.
I just don’t understand how you can do that in church.
Or my personal favorite… Well, people had been leaving the church.
Or the remix… Some people are talking about leaving the church.

It will always appear as cooperative interest, but it’s not.

So, what to do? Well… it’s tricky and I don’t know that I can give you a good formulaic response. But to Paul, God said, “My grace is sufficient for you…”

I have two great resources for you that I read with a church staff several years ago that have been essential to my ministry…

One is called Peace Makers, which I’ve written about in the past. The other is called Antagonist in the Church. It deals with true antagonist that you will have to deal with as a church leader. I highly encourage it… Here’s an excerpt:

From Antagonist in the Church

Early warning signs of Antagonist

By being alert to the early signals of an antagonist’s attack, you can minimize potential damage by dealing effectively with the person before major problems erupt.

A chill in the relationship. When a person who has been exhibiting red flags changes his manner of relating to you, beware. An icy coldness or blatant rudeness, especially in group situations, is often an initial sign of an antagonistic attack.

Honeyed concerns. As an antagonist begins activity, he might pay you a visit or send you a letter of concern. Consider the visit or letter as only the opening volley. More will follow — how much more depends on your response to these initial moves.

Nettlesome questions. A red flag might begin by asking a number of picky questions, checking out details like, “Where do we buy our computer paper?” or “How many times did the board meet last year?” You may find yourself feeling nettled as the antagonist becomes a constant fly-in-the-ointment, often checking out things that aren’t any of his business.

Mobilizing forces and pot-stirring. To wage an effective campaign, an antagonist must gather support and create discord, conflict, and doubt. He might try any number of approaches to accomplish this end. The behavior could be as innocuous as whispering to others during a committee meeting. The antagonist might also call unofficial meetings, usually not held at the church. He might flood the congregation with rumors, destructive, insinuating gossip strategically directed against key people. As a result, others could indeed become critical, swept along in the antagonist’s wake. The force of numbers may give you pause: Could something be wrong with me or my leadership? Ask yourself that question, but don’t be overly introspective if the source of the confusion is someone who has been waving a number of red flags.

Resistance. You might detect growing resistance from a red-flag person — openly ridiculing the leadership of the congregation, defying your authority as pastor or lay leader, blocking the approval of certain matters that ordinarily glide through the governing machinery with ease. An antagonist may also exhibit passive resistance, such as withdrawing from an activity while making a public issue of it — emphasizing that his nonparticipation is connected with the concerns he is expressing about the church.

Purchase Antagonist in the Church